the bishop celebrates 100 years…

What I wanted to ask the bishop: how many homeless folks in your diocese have made it through RCIA to become a Catholic? The procedure to become a Catholic is significantly more involved than it was in the first days of the church, it seems.

I can bear witness to that fact. Why did I not stay for the celebration feast afterwards and ask my question then? In truth, I do not choose to spend the money on the dinner. The one being who has most helped me in my recovery is under my care and the funding for his care is being pulled like an infant alive in a partial birth abortion procedure. I am allowed to lease a another horse when I myself have sold Splendid High, according to one who tries to lord over my life.

Then and only then will it be possible to lease a horse. Why does it matter? He’s just a horse, after all. No, he is not. Not every horse has the Look of Eagles, but he does. Not every horse has as large a heart. I would venture to say that he has the biggest heart of any heart on the Ranch of 120 plus horses. He is a Thoroughbred and he also I suspect has the big heart gene. His lung capacity is huge. He literally has a huge heart, an enormous one and far bigger than any human’s.

He is the instrument that my Higher Power has used to help heal me-he, in particular. Heal me of what, you ask? I have not yet recovered fully from a Catholic priest sexually abusing me when I was 17. My world was shattered at that point and I had my first break with reality, called psychosis, a fragmented psyche, literally–and was first hospitalized just days later.

I have pyroluria, as determined by a lab test, which is an abnormality in the synthesis of hemoglobin. The disease is genetic but is initiated by an extreme stressor. This is a controversial disease but I know it is true and I myself had the test done by a lab in Kansas. My father, a physician, said he would look into it but never did. After all, I am a mess genetically, predetermined by my biological parents, aren’t I?

I have been homeless three different times, while today no one would know that by looking at me. I can absolutely trace the homelessness back to the incident with the priest. I will run from structures because that is where the abuse occurred. Pyroluria can be the underlying reason behind post-traumatic stress disorder and bipolar disorder, both of which are my diagnoses.

At today’s celebration, I cannot eat what they serve anyways. How many people would try, as a way to treat their PTSD, a regime which forbids: animal products of all kinds (meat, dairy, eggs, cheese, butter), oils and fats outside of whole plant foods, fried foods, all sweets except sweet vegetables including fruit, oily and greasy foods, nuts and seeds, nuts and seed butters? I do not say I do this perfectly but I have been fairly adherent to it and it has helped tremendously. It is worth it to me.

I probably will never be part of a parish. I do not have tremendous trust in people and I have to move around a lot, even if it has been, in former days, in and out of hospitals. To become a Catholic, you have to be settled, it seems, or born into another kind of genetic nobility. That is alright, I am Jew–a Messianic Jew and no one can ever take that away from me.

They can rip a Splendid High from me, or they can try–and are, desperately. One thing I do know is how to fast and pray. That I do. I know how to live on rice and beans and greens. People talk about living on cat food, well what I do can be cheaper by far than that. Cat food is pricey in comparison. I just received my special order of 25 pounds of organic short grain brown rice and I still have some of the lentils I bought in bulk. I am good to go. I still have to buy the veggies, but that is doable.

“This kind goes out only by prayer and fasting,” says my Lord. We shall see if the Daniel Fast of pulse and water applies because that may be the way I get to pay for my partner in grime: a Splendid High known as Mel, who loves me unconditionally and may be the only being on earth that could. For sure, he is the one being who can be around me on a day to day basis. I am that damaged and I know it. So does my Higher Power, whom I call God and the Spirit of Truth, who is my Comforter, knows that and that is why Splendid High and I met. Mel was given the job no M.D. could do and he does it well. Superbly, it seems. He is a muse bringing me back to writing also.

I will let the bishop celebrate. There is much to be said for the Catholic Church, but for right now it is not a place I can rest my head nor eat. I am not allowed Holy Communion until I go through the RCIA program and at this rate, it is highly unlikely.

I am not a fit reporter for the church either, it seems. I do not blame them. I am one very inconvenient person with a lot of baggage. One thing I can say, is that my attorney said most priest abuse victims lose their faith entirely. I know some kill themselves. A lot actually, or become addicts of the most intransigent sort.

Mel and I are going to work for our Licensed Addictions Counseling degree and be instruments of the Lord healing those whom the church refuses to reach out to in any meaningful way. Mel draws people in and is my better half with a far bigger heart. Equine assisted therapy is our path forward in conjunction with the L.A.C. because the recovery field is the one place where the dual diagnoses of psychiatric conditions and addictions are an asset not a liability. Addictions counselors are almost always recovering addicts themselves.

I am determined together we will help others get better, even as Mel is helping me now. And the Messiah is our King and Ruler of our lives, our Sponsor: The Faithful and True. As was on the sign at church today: You are my inheritance, O Lord! And that was a sign if ever there was one…Praise God!



Three years of blessing: Splendid High life and times

Today marked three years since I first encountered Splendid High. We have been through a whole lot together and I made a serious commitment today to make sure we have many more years together.

I do not know what the future may bring but I know I will do all within my power, God willing, to make sure our bond stays cemented–even if it is crazy glue on my part that is the adhesive force.

All I can say for now, is that Mel encourages me to write. He is a muse, of sorts. And for now, the truth is it is honestly: Mad Woman copywrites. We shall see where that takes us…

go and publish abroad…

Who: the Lord Jesus Christ present

What: Sunday Mass

When: 11 a.m. today, 6-12-16

Why: to spread the Good News

Where: St. Bernard’s in Billings, Montana heights

How: with peace and serenity

I felt called to attend Mass in Billings this morning and witnessed the spark of light of conscience in the priest and a young woman crossing the country in a Crosswalk on a pro-life walk. Emily Robbins shone with joy and conviction as she exhorted us to do three things: pray for their Crosswalk, support it with donations, and get personally involved in pro-life work.

Emily and her friends did not get national media attention today.  Instead we hear of a terrorist slaughtering the innocents. In journalism school, we are taught “if it bleeds, it leads.” And so it does.

What about the Saviour whose Sacred Heart bleeds and who gives His very Blood and Body in Holy Communion? I witness to that today. He was there and that is what is the real Second Coming: when He dwells in the hearts of those who receive Him.

Later, at the stable, a dear friend said that she is not sure that God never gives us more than we can handle; that sometimes if we have too much, we have to be humble and ask for help. Thank you Sarah Kenyon, for that profound wisdom.

It was at that Ranch, that I had an inner encounter with Him two Easters ago and back to the barn I must go after hearing of the woman who had sinned who washed Jesus’ feet with her hair and tears from Father David. I used to wonder, if Jesus would ever want nuns to have long hair in preparation for His coming again, because many would probably still try to ignore Him and He might be shunned once again.

On a day of tragedy, I come to publish abroad the Good News on foot, if I must. He is the One who can lead the armies of Heaven to defeat this scourge upon the earth of hatred and violence and His Mother has a plan because ISIS fighters do not like to fight women. They think they won’t go to Heaven. So the Woman Clothed With the Sun will lead Her Blue Army armed with the Holy Rosary and defeat the Death Rider in all its forms. That is the Good News on this day when Death and Hell seemed to have sway. The Father Davids of this world will slay the Goliath of world terrorism through celebrating Life and inviting the Emilys to witness at the altar.

For this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness to the truth, He said…I am called to publish abroad and I have a new Employer, as the Big Book says. Whether this is read matters not. The only way I can right wrongs is to write of the right in the world…

reported by Caroline V. Ritter





out of the (prayer) closet

O Lord, help me please to submit to You in all things including this latest trial! In truth, I am exceedingly grateful that you teach to “love thine enemies” because if it weren’t for that today I do not know where I would be. As You know, dearest Advocate, I cannot speak of what is going on publically and that is for good reason. I know without a doubt You were here with Mel and me today and tonight as we passed through the lightning storm  and Mel gave me one of the best rides of my life. He was light and in the most self-carriage he has ever been in and yet he was relaxed and very much off his forehand and driving from behind as he is built to do. For some reason, he has become even more uphill in build and he already was quite uphill.

I well remember that eventful ride on Christy’s birthday last year where Mel pitched a fit and was dancing around when Song and others ran around their pastures. As he was barely contained, I said to myself, as he started to dance in place, I can really feel a piaffe in him. He was not at all relaxed into it but it was there and I knew he wouldn’t have too tough a time executing one. Mrs. Downton let me ride Montu, her retired Grand Prix mare in piaffe and passage once as she taught me informally. I know what one feels like and when Megan Tenney gave me lunge lessons on Ruby she had me initiate a half step on him. You were there. I know. It was a thrill indeed. He did not have side reins or anything other than the line itself on his bridle but Megan just gave him a loose connection and she was teaching me ride only from my seat. My hands were at my sides I think or just resting on the saddle in front and I was not using much leg at all. Ruby and I were in synch and he seemed to enjoy it too. He was such a ham! It just goes to show that a horse does not have to have perfect ground manners at all to be a champion because he certainly did not. He was barely contained and quite cheeky in fact but I loved him anyway. Thanks for reminding me  of some of the good times past and to record the fabulous ride tonight because I know You put Mel in my life for a reason and we are both consecrated to Our Lady and You both have a plan as to how to get us through this trial.

Thank You for being! I know You as a Buddha, too, Lord Jesus, as You have Buddhic attainment as well. You are a Zen Master, too, and Mel and I may well have to practice some austerities in the coming days, but You have a plan, I know. That Buddha-nature that is in Mel and in all living beings is also in my heart and it enlightens me now to realize all is well. We are in the eye of a hurricane that an emissary of Mara is sending but he will not prevail. I touch the ground and say, “I bear witness.” And it is so. Namaste.

I have come out of the Buddhic closet now. I belong to the Buddha Issa who walked in Nepal and India in the Lost Years. You are known as Saint Issa in India and the monks recorded Your trek there, lo,  2,000 years ago in written records. I was baptized in a church founded by You,  Jesus Christ and also Gautama Buddha, at the Western Shamballa. One day Mel and I will ride there for You both. Thank You and Namaste. I bow to the Light within You… I am now officially out of the closet as a stable nun in meditation upon the Buddha-nature in all and Mel and I are wed to Our Lady in complete consecration as well…

Splendid High: Life and Times

A stable nun begins her search for the Faithful and True henceforth, literarily. We stride and write for Him as our Trainer, for we have need of the one who could find the unbroken young colt and of an ass and ride him triumphantly into the Holy City. Hosanna and praise unto Him!

What kind of a Higher Power gifts a bipolar patient with a racehorse named Splendid High? The very One whose wit shines through my life and on April Fool’s Day quipped through a dry-witted vet, that he is a “treat-seeking missile.” And so he is, this Mel who is a Splendid High always.