The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, it is written and somehow He has shown up, first in my being able to make rent. I thank Jess for that–yes, Jess with whom I spent Christmas and whose gift of himself from beyond, I am grateful for, as well as his new Master.

I’d hidden away the last $30 I was paid to feed Jess for the month, feeling I may need the cash someday. Cash is a rare commodity for me, as I live in a House of Cards. By law, Special Needs trust recipients cannot have direct access the the trust monies at all, ever. I now see it as my unique ability to navigate through a maze of landmines the trustee has strewn in my path.

I did make rent this month and I have paid the two bills he was supposed to pay but did not. I still have the American Express Gold card and made the payment of $777.77 which I put on that card because the trustee was late paying my Chase Visa and so I put this month’s charges on the AmEx Gold, forgetting it has a high minimum payment. Because he was late with the Chase payment I had to pay the minimum myself and that made me short for the rent due on the first which I need to save from the previous month’s disability money which comes on the third. So, here we go in Splendid High finance!

I also made the payment for my USAA Health Insurance which the trustee decided not to pay. Of course, this is not so necessary because after all, I do have a legal disability and why O  why would I need health insurance? It was a coup to begin with because for a limited time those of us with Medicare because of disability were offered insurance in the private market and I jumped at he chance because it was my path out of public assistance entirely. The trustee is not in favor of that, evidently.

He also wants to ruin my credit rating so I have to default on my credit cards and declare bankruptcy. This would be a double win for him: I would be beholden to him and have to bow and scrape to him and it would show me up because I dared to say that I did not go into bankruptcy when my mother said I should, but his wife had and I made the mistake of pointing that out. My ex-finance had me give him cash advances on my credit cards and then stopped paying. I know, it was insane of me to trust a man with felonies including armed robbery, whatsoever. Live and learn. I do not have much trust left and I wonder why? I am not in the slightest bit interested in being involved with a man ever again (nor a woman, for that matter). It takes the Lord Himself and true saints to put up with me and give me real help and learn to trust in what is real.

It is a comedy for me now, actually. It makes me smile that Jess showed up to help me in spirit.

Yes, I live in a House of Cards of my own making and I take responsibility for that, as I did when the ex stopped paying. I learned to negotiate with the card companies and slowly built back my credit over time.

The trustee knows I am happy with the fact that I have the kind of credit I do while having disability from bipolar disorder, which is known for giving people poor impulse control and “manic spending.” So, he must destroy this small victory any way he can, just for spite.

I am okay with that and he can try all he wants. I already know I can negotiate with the credit card companies because I have done it before. They all know what I am going through with the trustee because I have kept them informed over the years.

For today, I do have a conscience and that means I am a happy camper. He may have ripped off my inheritance, but I have my true worth in my Father who loves me and who has not abandoned me and sent His Son to save me and teach me what I did not learn from the Ritter family: the golden rule.

If I were the trustee, I would want to be shown and warned that this will not work out well for him in the end. He may get away with stealing on Earth forever, but in the end, it will not work out well. It just won’t. I didn’t make the rules. I did not learn the Big 10 in the Ritter household and the one thing I was given that my parents left and that is it–nothing else they left me of tangible objects, if anything whatsoever because I have not seen a will nor have I been given the amount I was left– is the family Bible, which was hardly opened. Note to trustee, there is one of those 10 Rules in there: Thou shalt not steal. It is what is called a mortal sin.

You may be the Bernie Madoff of Special Needs Trusts, O trustee, but at least Bernie is fortunate to get some time to repent. You may not be that fortunate because you may just get away scot-free and no one will ever stop you.

Some day you will have to meet the Judge, though. Hope you are ready…Have fun until then because I cannot stop you and no one can and no one cares enough to try. Have a great rest of your life, bro…I love you forever because I totally forgive you and I am free because of it and my love is expressed by letting you be who you are completely, free of me. I tried to make you accountable but I failed, it is way beyond me…

You told me on Christmas a few years ago what burden I am and so now you get to be free of me…go celebrate with your family because they get to see what a great family man you are and such a fantastic provider…

As for me and my house (and horse), we will serve the LORD…