The Spirit of Truth is my Rock and my Teacher, truly, today and if I just suit up and show up, I can prosper. The trustee did end up paying the USAA health insurance after I wrote that last blog. He must have had the Spirit move him or something and 4 days before it was due to be cancelled entirely because it was past due, he paid on August 14th. So I am grateful he paid.
Now it is paid until January and because I made that payment and the other to AmEx, I am way short for rent which is due on the first and my disability comes on the third. I have $199.00 in the bank and my rent is $551.00 which is subsidized because of my disability, which I am desperately trying to overcome. I am trying to be retrained in order to be gainfully employed.
Vocational Rehabilitation will not now pay for more retraining until I get my situation with the trustee in order because every time I make some progress on the vocational front, he pulls some sort of thing and I have to spend countless hours and energy to try to figure out how to jump through that particular hoop. So, now this blog is going to be my journey to financial recovery and I am using the 12 steps and this is a way to do a fearless and searching moral inventory of this money madness.
This will be a log of just how much of a Saviour the Lord Christ is even at the financial level. I am on a journey to a divine economy built upon the Rock and not the shifting sands of a shifty character who wants to destroy my recovery and my credit rating because it is in his best interests, he thinks.
Now I have to show some proof that I paid the USAA myself which I did on August 7th from my bank account. The last thing I want is for him to have access to my bank account, so I will have to somehow figure a way to prove it to his royal untrustworthiness, a Prince who is a Mark-avellian overlord.
By their fruits ye shall know them and his fruits are so riddled with lies to my authorized representative that he is now a lord of the lies, too. So we shall see.
It may just be that he has absinthe poisoning and is hallucinating and in need of treatment. Before he unfriended me on Facebook years ago, I saw he is fond of absinthe, the toxic liquor once outlawed because it can cause mania and madness. So, perhaps he has been afflicted by the Green Fairy and I need to pray, “This is a sick man. How can I best be helpful to him? God save me from being angry.” (from Bill W.’s tome of recovery)
Indeed I can best be helpful by pointing out that even if I am so incapacitated that I need hospitalization as he might like, it would be helpful for him to know that that would concentrate my efforts in an even greater manner. The one time I was in a State psychiatric hospital, I badgered the staff and made enough of a fuss that they had a staff member take me to a private room to pay my credit card payments. Yes, I was in a manic psychosis but I still made my payments from there. Even more to the point, however, is that I become much, much more litigious when locked up. I sit for hours making endless calls to every governmental agency and complain. In Warm Springs I got it so that patients had the right to whatever diet was necessary for them because I wrote out so many complaint forms and the Board of Governors, I believe, came to visit and check things out. I filled out so many of the formal complaint forms and cited the Constitution in writing those complaints, some of the details escape me now.
I am not exactly a passive patient. And I have more access to attorneys, too, in there. God bless his heart, the attorney there was the best therapist for me although I had to make amends for being irate with him at times. At the time, I did not realize that I challenged him because of serious ethical violations by another attorney, which is why I ended up in Warm Springs in the first place.
So that may be the very most helpful thing I can do for the trustee, is to let him know that if he is trying to gaslight me so badly I get committed, I do not just sit in a corner and drool. So, game on, in this, my epic trek to the pit of fiscal Hell where the overlord is a Mark-avelian Prince of Darkness controlled by the Father of Lies. I have my Guide and He has the Son-light of the Spirit of Truth to show me what my part is in this ungodly mess.
I have been codependent and not demanded what I am due by law and that is what I have to face and overcome in myself. I was passive and capitulated in the possible squandering of my inheritance by never demanding an accurate accounting. For this I am making an amends and I will learn to muckrake by “following the money” in this infernal mess I allowed to fester by kowtowing to the overlord/ego and not to my True Lord who is my conscience.
I confess my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. I confess Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that is the true Reality and from there, I will find how He can help me sell all I have and give to the poor and follow Him completely. Today is the celebration of the Queenship of Holy Mary and I have consecrated all I have and am to Her Immaculate Heart and so am Her slave now and must act accordingly. She helped me through college for a reason and continues now with the lifeline to which I cling for dear life of the most holy rosary, binding me to Her Son and my G-d the I AM THAT I AM.
I am tied as well, by the law of the tithe which is about the only thing I have done right in my fiscal disaster. I confess my soul is powerless over this my mess of financial impotence and my life is unmanageable. I can return to sanity through a power greater than myself and I commit myself to the only One who can help through the intercession of the Queen, who entreated Him to perform His first public miracle of changing the water to wine at Cana. “O Jesus, I surrender myself to You, take care of everything….” O Jesus, I trust in You!