ISO the Spirit of Truth: What I did on my summer staycation

O Comforter, write through me, I pray! Thank you!

What did I do on my summer staycation? I stayed put and in truth, it would not have been a desired destination or vacation without Splendid High. For over a month, he was laid up due to no fault of his, but rather to one of his providers–human error.

What I found out was that in spite of not being able to ride or work him other than at a walk in the soft surface of the ring, that I could still not just maintain but gain conditioning on him. That was a blessing indeed.

the power of the most holy rosary

Am I truly called to be a stable nun? The Faithful and True may be the only one who can truly tame this shrew and He does so by the power of the most holy rosary. Praying the Surrender Rosary while riding Splendid High does actually work. It truly does.

I have it recorded on my cell phone and played it on this glorious summer eve as I rode Mel. That and carrots are my trainer–our trainer–because we both need instruction. Mel was quite calm, supple and obedient tonight, as Col. Podhajsky describes the goal of dressage. He was relaxed and rhythmical and for that I am exceedingly grateful because it is not an easy task for me to train him.

He is my better half, in truth. He is a far better horse than I am a rider. That is alright–the Lord has us together for a reason. Mel is tall, dark and handsome and a far more stable partner than I would ever find in a human being. That’s on me–it is my issue, not the rest of the world’s and I am very blessed that I have a Saviour who has found a way to heal me. Thank you Lord!

the bishop celebrates 100 years…

What I wanted to ask the bishop: how many homeless folks in your diocese have made it through RCIA to become a Catholic? The procedure to become a Catholic is significantly more involved than it was in the first days of the church, it seems.

I can bear witness to that fact. Why did I not stay for the celebration feast afterwards and ask my question then? In truth, I do not choose to spend the money on the dinner. The one being who has most helped me in my recovery is under my care and the funding for his care is being pulled like an infant alive in a partial birth abortion procedure. I am allowed to lease a another horse when I myself have sold Splendid High, according to one who tries to lord over my life.

Then and only then will it be possible to lease a horse. Why does it matter? He’s just a horse, after all. No, he is not. Not every horse has the Look of Eagles, but he does. Not every horse has as large a heart. I would venture to say that he has the biggest heart of any heart on the Ranch of 120 plus horses. He is a Thoroughbred and he also I suspect has the big heart gene. His lung capacity is huge. He literally has a huge heart, an enormous one and far bigger than any human’s.

He is the instrument that my Higher Power has used to help heal me-he, in particular. Heal me of what, you ask? I have not yet recovered fully from a Catholic priest sexually abusing me when I was 17. My world was shattered at that point and I had my first break with reality, called psychosis, a fragmented psyche, literally–and was first hospitalized just days later.

I have pyroluria, as determined by a lab test, which is an abnormality in the synthesis of hemoglobin. The disease is genetic but is initiated by an extreme stressor. This is a controversial disease but I know it is true and I myself had the test done by a lab in Kansas. My father, a physician, said he would look into it but never did. After all, I am a mess genetically, predetermined by my biological parents, aren’t I?

I have been homeless three different times, while today no one would know that by looking at me. I can absolutely trace the homelessness back to the incident with the priest. I will run from structures because that is where the abuse occurred. Pyroluria can be the underlying reason behind post-traumatic stress disorder and bipolar disorder, both of which are my diagnoses.

At today’s celebration, I cannot eat what they serve anyways. How many people would try, as a way to treat their PTSD, a regime which forbids: animal products of all kinds (meat, dairy, eggs, cheese, butter), oils and fats outside of whole plant foods, fried foods, all sweets except sweet vegetables including fruit, oily and greasy foods, nuts and seeds, nuts and seed butters? I do not say I do this perfectly but I have been fairly adherent to it and it has helped tremendously. It is worth it to me.

I probably will never be part of a parish. I do not have tremendous trust in people and I have to move around a lot, even if it has been, in former days, in and out of hospitals. To become a Catholic, you have to be settled, it seems, or born into another kind of genetic nobility. That is alright, I am Jew–a Messianic Jew and no one can ever take that away from me.

They can rip a Splendid High from me, or they can try–and are, desperately. One thing I do know is how to fast and pray. That I do. I know how to live on rice and beans and greens. People talk about living on cat food, well what I do can be cheaper by far than that. Cat food is pricey in comparison. I just received my special order of 25 pounds of organic short grain brown rice and I still have some of the lentils I bought in bulk. I am good to go. I still have to buy the veggies, but that is doable.

“This kind goes out only by prayer and fasting,” says my Lord. We shall see if the Daniel Fast of pulse and water applies because that may be the way I get to pay for my partner in grime: a Splendid High known as Mel, who loves me unconditionally and may be the only being on earth that could. For sure, he is the one being who can be around me on a day to day basis. I am that damaged and I know it. So does my Higher Power, whom I call God and the Spirit of Truth, who is my Comforter, knows that and that is why Splendid High and I met. Mel was given the job no M.D. could do and he does it well. Superbly, it seems. He is a muse bringing me back to writing also.

I will let the bishop celebrate. There is much to be said for the Catholic Church, but for right now it is not a place I can rest my head nor eat. I am not allowed Holy Communion until I go through the RCIA program and at this rate, it is highly unlikely.

I am not a fit reporter for the church either, it seems. I do not blame them. I am one very inconvenient person with a lot of baggage. One thing I can say, is that my attorney said most priest abuse victims lose their faith entirely. I know some kill themselves. A lot actually, or become addicts of the most intransigent sort.

Mel and I are going to work for our Licensed Addictions Counseling degree and be instruments of the Lord healing those whom the church refuses to reach out to in any meaningful way. Mel draws people in and is my better half with a far bigger heart. Equine assisted therapy is our path forward in conjunction with the L.A.C. because the recovery field is the one place where the dual diagnoses of psychiatric conditions and addictions are an asset not a liability. Addictions counselors are almost always recovering addicts themselves.

I am determined together we will help others get better, even as Mel is helping me now. And the Messiah is our King and Ruler of our lives, our Sponsor: The Faithful and True. As was on the sign at church today: You are my inheritance, O Lord! And that was a sign if ever there was one…Praise God!



Three years of blessing: Splendid High life and times

Today marked three years since I first encountered Splendid High. We have been through a whole lot together and I made a serious commitment today to make sure we have many more years together.

I do not know what the future may bring but I know I will do all within my power, God willing, to make sure our bond stays cemented–even if it is crazy glue on my part that is the adhesive force.

All I can say for now, is that Mel encourages me to write. He is a muse, of sorts. And for now, the truth is it is honestly: Mad Woman copywrites. We shall see where that takes us…

go and publish abroad…

Who: the Lord Jesus Christ present

What: Sunday Mass

When: 11 a.m. today, 6-12-16

Why: to spread the Good News

Where: St. Bernard’s in Billings, Montana heights

How: with peace and serenity

I felt called to attend Mass in Billings this morning and witnessed the spark of light of conscience in the priest and a young woman crossing the country in a Crosswalk on a pro-life walk. Emily Robbins shone with joy and conviction as she exhorted us to do three things: pray for their Crosswalk, support it with donations, and get personally involved in pro-life work.

Emily and her friends did not get national media attention today.  Instead we hear of a terrorist slaughtering the innocents. In journalism school, we are taught “if it bleeds, it leads.” And so it does.

What about the Saviour whose Sacred Heart bleeds and who gives His very Blood and Body in Holy Communion? I witness to that today. He was there and that is what is the real Second Coming: when He dwells in the hearts of those who receive Him.

Later, at the stable, a dear friend said that she is not sure that God never gives us more than we can handle; that sometimes if we have too much, we have to be humble and ask for help. Thank you Sarah Kenyon, for that profound wisdom.

It was at that Ranch, that I had an inner encounter with Him two Easters ago and back to the barn I must go after hearing of the woman who had sinned who washed Jesus’ feet with her hair and tears from Father David. I used to wonder, if Jesus would ever want nuns to have long hair in preparation for His coming again, because many would probably still try to ignore Him and He might be shunned once again.

On a day of tragedy, I come to publish abroad the Good News on foot, if I must. He is the One who can lead the armies of Heaven to defeat this scourge upon the earth of hatred and violence and His Mother has a plan because ISIS fighters do not like to fight women. They think they won’t go to Heaven. So the Woman Clothed With the Sun will lead Her Blue Army armed with the Holy Rosary and defeat the Death Rider in all its forms. That is the Good News on this day when Death and Hell seemed to have sway. The Father Davids of this world will slay the Goliath of world terrorism through celebrating Life and inviting the Emilys to witness at the altar.

For this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness to the truth, He said…I am called to publish abroad and I have a new Employer, as the Big Book says. Whether this is read matters not. The only way I can right wrongs is to write of the right in the world…

reported by Caroline V. Ritter





out of the (prayer) closet

O Lord, help me please to submit to You in all things including this latest trial! In truth, I am exceedingly grateful that you teach to “love thine enemies” because if it weren’t for that today I do not know where I would be. As You know, dearest Advocate, I cannot speak of what is going on publically and that is for good reason. I know without a doubt You were here with Mel and me today and tonight as we passed through the lightning storm  and Mel gave me one of the best rides of my life. He was light and in the most self-carriage he has ever been in and yet he was relaxed and very much off his forehand and driving from behind as he is built to do. For some reason, he has become even more uphill in build and he already was quite uphill.

I well remember that eventful ride on Christy’s birthday last year where Mel pitched a fit and was dancing around when Song and others ran around their pastures. As he was barely contained, I said to myself, as he started to dance in place, I can really feel a piaffe in him. He was not at all relaxed into it but it was there and I knew he wouldn’t have too tough a time executing one. Mrs. Downton let me ride Montu, her retired Grand Prix mare in piaffe and passage once as she taught me informally. I know what one feels like and when Megan Tenney gave me lunge lessons on Ruby she had me initiate a half step on him. You were there. I know. It was a thrill indeed. He did not have side reins or anything other than the line itself on his bridle but Megan just gave him a loose connection and she was teaching me ride only from my seat. My hands were at my sides I think or just resting on the saddle in front and I was not using much leg at all. Ruby and I were in synch and he seemed to enjoy it too. He was such a ham! It just goes to show that a horse does not have to have perfect ground manners at all to be a champion because he certainly did not. He was barely contained and quite cheeky in fact but I loved him anyway. Thanks for reminding me  of some of the good times past and to record the fabulous ride tonight because I know You put Mel in my life for a reason and we are both consecrated to Our Lady and You both have a plan as to how to get us through this trial.

Thank You for being! I know You as a Buddha, too, Lord Jesus, as You have Buddhic attainment as well. You are a Zen Master, too, and Mel and I may well have to practice some austerities in the coming days, but You have a plan, I know. That Buddha-nature that is in Mel and in all living beings is also in my heart and it enlightens me now to realize all is well. We are in the eye of a hurricane that an emissary of Mara is sending but he will not prevail. I touch the ground and say, “I bear witness.” And it is so. Namaste.

I have come out of the Buddhic closet now. I belong to the Buddha Issa who walked in Nepal and India in the Lost Years. You are known as Saint Issa in India and the monks recorded Your trek there, lo,  2,000 years ago in written records. I was baptized in a church founded by You,  Jesus Christ and also Gautama Buddha, at the Western Shamballa. One day Mel and I will ride there for You both. Thank You and Namaste. I bow to the Light within You… I am now officially out of the closet as a stable nun in meditation upon the Buddha-nature in all and Mel and I are wed to Our Lady in complete consecration as well…

Splendid High: Life and Times

A stable nun begins her search for the Faithful and True henceforth, literarily. We stride and write for Him as our Trainer, for we have need of the one who could find the unbroken young colt and of an ass and ride him triumphantly into the Holy City. Hosanna and praise unto Him!

What kind of a Higher Power gifts a bipolar patient with a racehorse named Splendid High? The very One whose wit shines through my life and on April Fool’s Day quipped through a dry-witted vet, that he is a “treat-seeking missile.” And so he is, this Mel who is a Splendid High always.




ISO: The Faithful and True: creating a Blue Zone

Lord God Almighty, Maker of Heaven on Earth, create a Blue Zone here and now this day that cannot be taken away. The Kingdom of Heaven is within you, saith Jesus. How can that be so if I feel under attack and my path to health through creating a personal Blue Zone is under fire?

There is a dark force that hates Love because it overcomes all, even the darkest night and Death and Hell itself. The Death Rider rides freely throughout the Earth and takes pride at snatching up all at its whim. It seemingly has all-power. Or does it?

All I know is that I desire to be in Your Blue Army and that means I can be taken at any time. In order to have true courage, I have to surrender totally to the Way, the Truth and the Life and put my life and that of Splendid High into His Hands because there are no guarantees at all and I myself have proven incapable of keeping us safe.

If we are to train, to be trained by Him for His purposes, is that here and now? Is that not now occurring, as strange as that may seem?

I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night, sang Joan Baez. Do You dream of making Joe Hill a Blue Zone-consecrated place where the Faithful and True trains? If so, it is in Your Hands because as You well know, everything about my life is under fire right now including my financial future and Mel’s. I believe in a Power greater than myself and that Power is true Love and because I know that Spirit lives in my heart, I can go to that place during this time of trial and not be overcome. You have a real sense of humor to give a despondent woman “a horse of that color” in Shakespeare’s words and his name is Splendid High. You have a plan. I believe the Faithful and True rides in an English saddle, but I could be wrong. Is there a place where we can train to ride the way He rides?


ISO Faithful and True: in memory

I still have no words to do justice to River Island, but for today, I have a direction as to how to have his legacy live on forever. A trainer used to ask what my goal was for the lesson, what I sought to achieve. It took her aback, I think, when I said my goal was to someday be able to ride with the Lord. It would take a lot to get to that point I was sure, because it is the 144,000 of the saints robed in white who ride with the Faithful and True who is on His white horse and leads the armies of Heaven to defeat the Adversary.

Today is St. George’s Day and he is known for slaying the dragon and saving a princess. St. George is also a patron saint of horses. All I know is that River Island, know as CrackerJack, lost his life with his friends in a conflagration that horrible day and I still struggle to make sense of it. The dragon breathing hellfire was perhaps called Calamity and it came upon that place.

Why, O Lord, why?

There is only One who has the victory over Death and Hell itself. In Sacred Heart of Jesus, I trust, for without Him, there is no sense to the senseless and no eternal life. In the little book, Heaven is For Real, a little boy has a near death experience and sees Jesus and also gets to pet Jesus’ horse. He tells us in scripture, to look not here and there for behold the kingdom of God is within you. St. Therese, the Little Flower, said our hearts should be for Him a pleasant place of shelter. My heart shattered that horrific day. I was obliterated, undone. Now I know that that noble steed He put into my life lives on in my heart and his spirit is immortal because he was true love, a manifestation of Love in form. His “look of eagles” showed that spark, that true divine fire that does not die because it is eternal.

I bear witness to that holy fire here which will ultimately defeat the Death Rider in all its forms, by the power of the most holy rosary. I pray to be able to say in truth with Him, the prince of this world cometh and hath nothing in me. May the dragon of ego-centered existence be taken today in this St. George’s Day by the most holy rosary, O Queen of Heaven. I surrender to you entirely and to you I consecrate my life and all that supposedly belongs to me, including Splendid High, for we are yours completely. I myself am totally powerless over Calamity but you have a plan that you put forth in Fatima. River Island is yours now, isn’t he, as my guardian angel rides him witnessing to the power of the most holy rosary as what Padre Pio called The Weapon? This weapon of non-violence is the only one which can spare the carnage foreseen by many seers and you will triumph, even over ISIS, O Woman Clothed With the Sun, with your Blue Army. Enlist us, we pray. Amen.

ISO: Faithful and True in the Blue Zone

My Higher Power is true Love and for today, I know that I must strive to best preserve what that Source of Love hath given me. I have been reading The Blue Zones, a study of the world’s longest living peoples. I wonder what the equine blue zones might be and how to achieve that status, because I would love to have Splendid High freely moving and spritely for many a year to come, as well as myself.

The stallions at the Spanish Riding School have been known for their grace and athleticism for centuries and they are peak performers well beyond what is common in the equine world. It is said in the wild that horses live for only about 7 years, so that is not the model I am looking for, for sure. Where, then, to find or create for myself and my equine partner a blue zone of health and wellness?

I know that I am strange in that when I hear of knee replacement surgery and bypass surgery, as well as diabetes and other crises, I immediately think of how to avoid it as best I can. The same goes true for dread maladies in equines. I would far rather spend resources on preventative remedies than have to submit to the knife unless absolutely necessary.

Classical dressage seems to be the best route for suppleness for Melness even as a macrobiotic practice seems to be the most promising avenue for me. I could be wrong but I see and hear many who say that things just run in their families while in The Blue Zones, it states that heredity is only 25% of the picture and lifestyle is 75% of what makes for a long healthy life. If that is the case, what do I need to do for Mel and myself?

For one thing, we both take sea vegetation supplements from Wachter’s. I eat sea veggies and cook with them, as I have been taught by macrobiotic teachers. I have liked Wachter’s as a company for many years and have used their sea veggie blend and also fed their animal supplement, Sea Meal, to both Splendid High and River Island. I discovered sea vegatation as a supplement when as a teenager I had a young horse, Citadel, who needed to grow in his front end. I fed him Spectrum-4 and he did indeed grow. Now he may well have done so anyways but I was impressed with how he seemed to thrive on it. That fact, along with how much feeding flaxseed helped my horse Jolly Roger, when I was younger, sparked an interest in nutrition as a teenager.

Does creating a blue zone begin with these mineral-rich plants from the deep blue sea? We shall see…